A Small Reflection
by FatefulDestiny
Summary: In the midst of conflict, there weren't usually many peaceful days. Life Day was one exception, and it took the Eternal Alliance by full-force. Everywhere you looked, there were decorations strung up, off-tune singing, and presents being exchanged. It also was a time where the Alliance Commander could reflect on someone she had lost recently.


(Late cross-post from AO3)

What could be better than a sad Jedi missing her boyfriend on Life Day?

 **OC List:**

Nadia Vhea: Alliance Commander, Jedi Knight, former Battlemaster

Rhina Vhea: Bounty Hunter, Nadia's sister, deceased

Rujia Sarco: Cipher Nine, Legate, Imperial Agent

Ja'lane Ravine: Barsen'thor, Jedi Consular

Hal'zule: Alliance head cook, former street-food cook on Nar Shaddaa

*All other characters belong to Bioware

* * *

It was snowing.

Nadia was used to snow, having grown up on Alderaan. But for it to snow on Odessen was always a feat in itself. She leaned against the balcony, watching several Alliance members run around in the snow, sounds of laughter and joy drifting up to her.

Usually she would be down there, dragging as many reluctant members as she could with her to have a giant snow fight. Life Day was her favorite time of year, a time where one could forget everything that was going on and spend time with family and friends, exchanging gifts and celebrating.

This year was different.

The emptiness that was in her heart from the hole Theron had left was only amplified by the celebration, pangs of sorrow resonating within her. It had been a couple weeks since the mission to Copero where she had seen him last.

The new hairstyle… Nadia hadn't been sure what to think of it (she had wished she had a holorecorder with her). But when she called out to him, shouting his name as his shuttle took off, she could only focus on his eyes. Something in his eyes had flashed before he turned away; she couldn't shake it.

What was it?

Whatever it was, it was the last she had seen of him when the shuttle had flown away, leaving the Chiss warrior in front of her.

When Hylo had forwarded the intercepted transmission to her the next day, Nadia was barely able to stop herself from sobbing with relief in the war room. Theron, _her Theron_ , was still out there… no matter what Lana thought.

That still didn't change the fact he wasn't here with her.

She took a small sip of the Hoth Chocolate Blizz had given her, the Jawa enthusiastically telling her it would make her feel better. She closed her eyes, allowing the warmth of the drink to chase away the cold of the weather.

The little Jawa had been devastated after Rhina had died on Zakuul, but his enthusiasm was sparked once again when the Life Day celebrations had begun. His determination to make everyone happy had even cracked a grin from Rusk, much to Nadia's surprise. Her old friend and ally had laughed when Blizz presented Rusk's gift to him: a hand-stitched plush of the soldier himself.

Movement on the opposite side of the field caught her eye, and Nadia watched as two figures made their way across the snowy clearing, sitting down next to each other once they had found a clearer spot of ground.

The former Imperial Intelligence and SIS agent, Rujia Sarco, had tirelessly worked to locate her husband, Vector Hyllus, after Copero. With Lt. Temple's help, Rujia was successful and took off immediately after, bringing back not only Vector but an army of Kilik soldiers as well.

Once Vector had returned, Nadia had noticed Rujia's entire demeanor change. She was happier, and the bags underneath her eyes slowly faded away. Nadia had been courteous enough as to not inquire why she wasn't getting sleep, but she knew it stemmed from the ex-agent's past.

Inside the base, Nadia knew that Ja'lane, Nadia's oldest friend and ally, and Arcann, the former Emperor of Zakuul, were deep in discussion, their relationship growing every day. In fact, everywhere she looked, she saw couples and old friends together, relaxing in a rare moment of peace.

Well, mostly everyone was celebrating together.

Nadia fingered the ring on her hand that Theron had given her last Life Day. He had promised that once this whole mess was over, they would move someplace peaceful together, passing on the leadership of the Alliance to someone else.

So far, that future was bleak and unpromising.

At least the ring had been a much better gift than the previous one, she thought with a slight grin.

A couple months after the Alliance had officially formed on Odessen, Life Day had rolled around, bringing much needed morale and a chance for Theron to show off his cooking skills.

Well, lack of them anyways.

After several small explosions in the kitchen, Hal'zule, the Alliance's unofficial head cook, had chased Theron out, yelling at him in at least three different languages, all of them foreign to Nadia. Once he was safe, Theron had sheepishly handed her a burnt… something.

Nadia had bit into it and immediately regretted doing so. The amount of both sugar and salt had exploded once she chewed the rock-cookie, and she forced down the reflex gag, trying her hardest to swallow it in one gulp. It took all of her Jedi training to keep her face impassive as she swallowed the monstrosity.

Hal'zule had come out while Theron was still apologizing, saving the day with a wonderfully cooked meal. She still didn't know how Hal'zule had cooked it that fast, the red Zabrak only throwing Nadia a wink as she disappeared back into the kitchen.

She had dug into the food instantly, hoping to wash out the remnants of Theron's cooking. Glancing up, she saw Theron's face transform from a smile to a grimace to a look of sheer horror as he spat out the cookie. Suffice to say, Theron hadn't been allowed near the kitchen since.

( _Now all the empty take-out boxes in his apartment on Coruscant made sense_ , she had thought.)

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" a voice startled her out of her thoughts.

Nadia jumped, sending her drink flying over the balcony. Reaching out with the Force, she halted the falling cup mid-air, her face burning. Deep in her thoughts, she hadn't noticed anyone approaching.

Turning around, she say Senya standing near the door, a soft, but concerned smile on her face. In addition to her usual armor, she had donned a festive-looking red cloak, patterns of snowflakes and lights dotting the surface. Nadia hid a smile; Blizz must have been really busy.

"Senya! I didn't notice you standing there." Nadia guided her cup back over to the railing.

"I can see that," Senya cocked her head, "But you didn't answer my question."

Nadia sighed, turning back around as Senya came up beside her.

"It doesn't feel right without him here," she confessed, "The fighting should have been over once we defeated Valkorian; instead we are still knee-high in fighting with no end in sight.

"Without Theron here, I feel as if I have no obligation to lead anymore. If I left, perhaps the Order of Zildrog would stop targeting the Alliance and focus solely on me. I can take that, but I don't want to be responsible for the destruction of the Alliance."

As soon as the words had come out of her mouth, Nadia regretted them. Senya's eyes blazed with anger, and she drew herself up, her fists clenching.

"For everything you have done for this Alliance, they have given it back to you and more. Just because someone close to you is gone doesn't give you an excuse to abandon your duty. We've all lost friends and family," Senya's voice cracked momentarily, "but we're still fighting."

Nadia flinched visibly, but she knew Senya was right. Theron wasn't the first ally (though he was so much more than that) she had lost, but was it selfish of her to want to not be responsible for any more losses? So much has happened…

"Everyone looks up to you, Nadia," Senya continued in a gentler voice, "because you led them to victory when there was no hope of winning. You gave them that hope and a sense of purpose."

Nadia glanced up and saw Senya gazing down at her with nothing but commitment in her eyes. She was thankful for Senya's words of reassurance, but she was still conflicted. That hope and purpose were useless if the Alliance fell apart from the inside.

"For what you did for me and my son, I am forever loyal to you; and I know many others in the Alliance share the same feeling. If you left, there would be chaos, and the Order of Zildrog would take the opportunity to strike, no matter what Theron did."

She felt her throat close up and willed the fresh tears back. Senya was correct; it wouldn't be fair of her to leave. She couldn't throw away the risk Theron had taken to infiltrate this Order. But…

"Why didn't he tell me?" Nadia murmerred, staring back down into her mug. "This would have been so much easier if he had."

Senya squeezed Nadia's hand briefly.

"You know Theron better than I do. Do you think he would have wanted to put you in danger by telling you?"

Nadia thought about it for a moment. Theron had always made sure her safety was placed first, even if it meant placing himself in danger to do so. There were more times than she could count where Nadia had to gently remind Theron she was capable of taking care of herself on a mission.

"No, I suppose not. It was always like him to rush into something without telling any of us."

Senya chuckled, and Nadia found herself grinning as the former Knight replied,

"You need to trust that Theron knows what he's doing. He's managed to stay alive this long, so he must have some tricks up his sleeve."

 _This long..._

"You said you'd let me know if you found anything?" Nadia changed the subject abruptly, straightening and looking Senya in the eye.

After Copero, she had taken aside several of her closest allies in the Alliance, including Senya, Rujia, and Koth (excluding Lana, however. She'd been wary of the Sith after Lana had expressed her anger over Theron's betrayal). She had explained the situation fully to them, asking for any help they could provide on the Order itself and what it would mean for the Alliance, Republic, and Empire.

"Once my sources return, I'll look through the information they've gathered," Senya promised.

"That means a lot to me. Thank you, Senya." Nadia smiled.

Senya started back towards the entrance before she paused. Turning around, she gave one last word of advice.

"There's one more thing I forgot to mention…"

Before Senya could finish, Nadia heard a growing sound of commotion, as if several people were sprinting through the base. Eyes widening, she whirled around towards the door.

"What the _kriff_ is that?"

"I believe your friend, Vette, has organized a game to hunt you down. Something about wanting to 'get you to feel the spirit of the holiday.'

"I suggest you start running," Senya warned, humming to herself as she walked back inside.

Nadia saw the top of Vette's head through the doorway, her lekkus bouncing as she ran to the doorway, eyes sparking. Behind her was a large group of Alliance members, all laughing as they followed the Twi'lek.

Nadia shook her head in amusement as she waved towards Vette. Her face lighting up, Vette sprinting towards the door, calling out her name. Giving a mock salute, Nadia leapt up, twisting as she fell backwards over the railing and narrowly avoiding Vette's outstretched hand. Gathering the Force beneath her, she landed in a flurry of snow, grinning wickedly. She could have fun with this.

She had no time to prepare herself as several other Force-sensitives jumped after her, Jedi and Sith alike joining in the chase. Nadia couldn't help but laugh as she sprinted away, dodging the snowballs that were thrown after her. She let herself get carried away with the game, finally surrendering when a giant wave of snow knocked her over, allowing the others to catch up to her.

Theron would want her to have fun for a while. It was Life Day, after all.


End file.
